Let's Talk About Stress

There are a lot of things that cause stress my life, ranging from minimal to unbearable (especially in the past). I would say that, as the semester slowly begins to wind down, it's mostly the fact that professors/instructors are piling on the tests/quizzes/assignments as they realize that they are crunched for time. Even so, I am not too stressed. The things I am most worried about is having all of my English papers done/revised in time to hand in my portfolio, and for them to be as good as possible. I have gone in to talk to Steve already about my first paper, and I hope to finish editing that before Thanksgiving (yeah... right), so that all I have to worry about after that is my other paper we have gotten back that needs to be revised (there will also be a third paper, but it will not be back in our possession by then, and the fourth paper will have no option of being revised).

As for other things that stress me out: the fact that we have been here for three months, and I feel like everyone has multitudes of friendships/close friendships, and I really feel like I have no one individual here to whom I feel a lasting connection. Outside of the classroom, I hang out with Caroline and then another group from the 7th floor, with whom I only have a connection because of Monica. Apparently I can't make friends on my own. I'm making "friends" (to use the word liberally) in classes and at tennis, but I have yet to meet any of them outside of the classroom (excluding the one Arabic study session way back in September set up by the instructor at Thomas Cooper). I would say 'all in due time', but it's starting to get annoying. I feel like unnamed persons judge me because of the fact that I frequent my dorm room and can't easily approach people. It's called being shy, world. I like to think I'm actually quite talkative... once you approach me, of course. :-)

There is an innumerable amount of things that stress me out, but I don't think I should spill out all of the [sometimes traumatic] experiences of my past, that I definitely think play a role in making me so shy and self-conscious. (For the record: I was not abused in any fashion as a child, and I have a very loving home life as well as a few very good friends, who are also like family to me. I realize that what I typed before this note sounds a bit suspicious, so I felt compelled to add this little note.)

Maggie and me in
Strasbourg, France

To deal with my stress, I make sure I get enough sleep (though today I was utterly exhausted to the point of almost feeling sick. I got at least 7 hours of sleep, though, so I have no idea where it came from... it did go away eventually). Additionally, I make sure that I am allowed the downtime I so crave to do things like watch shows (HULU!), listen to music, go to the gym, and, of course, update my U101 blog. For example: I complete a homework assignment, and instead of moving on to the next one, I reward myself by watching the most recent episode of Modern Family (love it) or going on Facebook and creeping on my friends, who seem to be having a much more awesome time are college than I am. (I keep mentioning this. I am such a 'Debbie Downer', to reference SNL and Maggie, who also refers to me as a Negative Nancy... My friends are awesome. Also, to write in the way in which I think, have I mentioned Maggie before? She and I have been best friends since the 7th grade, and my life would be excessively lame without her. She was prom queen. She's the cool friend, and I am the lame sidekick who most people probably don't know [think Batman and Robin. Does anyone really care about Robin? No. Also TO and Chad Ochocinco... we aren't obnoxious Bengals players, but they did call themselves Batman and Robin... I am Ocho--talented, but not as successful. I've gotten off track]. But seriously, she is like my sister and is most definitely a part of my family. Also, she seems to be having a good time are college. k.)

Also, I have to admit, I was taught those breathing/imagery techniques before when Bert brought up in class today. They are helpful when it comes to getting my heart rate down and focusing my mind on other things. I also find it helpful to just vent, usually to my mom. She is probably the only person who has seen the full extent of the roller coaster that has been me since age ten. Even Maggie hasn't seen/probably couldn't imagine my lowest lows (ages 14-16), and I wouldn't have wanted to subject her to that. If you think I am talking around something... I most definitely am. Maybe one day I will feel free to post it here. Maybe my last blog assigned. Go out with a bang! (That will also probably anticlimactic.)

My final coping method is like my last blog post. I find listening to readings of my favorite poems (British, of course) is so soothing. It can probably be attributed to the awesomeness of the British accent mixed with exceptionally thoughtful words. (Mostly the accent.) It distracts me from the stressful thing and transports me to a place where I am able to focus purely on existence. (Hi, my name is Holland, and I am trying to sound thoughtful, but instead sound like a total douche bag... Can I say 'douche bag' in this blog? I guess I'll find out.) I also love classical music (just ask Monica). I don't listen to it all the time, but it never disappoints me when I do.

Surprisingly, the only stressful thing about my service site is the fact that I have to walk there, and the thought of having to walk back up Barnwell Street always dampens my spirits (if that rain hadn't done that enough already). Once I am there, my mentee and I have formed a rhythm, and we fall back into it: checklist, talk about weekend/week, find out if she has finally finished the 4th Twilight book* (she hasn't), and play Bananagrams.

This entry has gotten far too long.

Ciao!!

Negative Nancy

*I do not like Twilight, but I do admit to having read the books. I am ashamed, for they are anything but literature. I have no intentions of poisoning myself with the terribleness that is the movie series (which will never be Harry Potter**, no matter how much it wants to be).
**I am not obsessed with Harry Potter (Books>Movies), but I would say I am intrigued by some of its ideas. Ravenclaw.